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The Final Report


Sitting at his desk Jack shoveled through the mountain of paperwork that had accumulated during the last five missions.  He’d rather be pinned down under enemy fire than look at another forum, but there was no way Hammond was going to let him through the Gate again if he didn’t get a majority of this done today.  

Jack looked up as Daniel suddenly stormed into his office.  He had a hefty report in one hand and a disgruntled look on his face.  Jack ignored him even as the irate archeologist threw the fifty page ream of paper down on his desk.  Daniel crossed his arms over his chest and glared spitefully at Jack until the Colonel could no longer ignore him.

“Jack, what the hell is this?”

“I don’t know.”  Jack picked up the report.  “It appears to be a cellulose derivative parchment with some kind of latin based language printed on it.”

“It’s your report on our last mission to PX2-59.”  

“If you know what it is: why are you bugging me?”

“It’s really the last sentence that irritates me the most.”  Daniel hissed.  

Despite the fact that Jack had written the report yesterday he had completely forgotten what it said.  Humoring Daniel he picked it up and leafed to the last page.  Reading the sentence a slight smile touched his lips.  He put the report down and looked up at Daniel.

“What about it?”  Jack asked innocently.  

“It’s insulting.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Ja...”

“Daniel, you almost got yourself killed five times on that mission.”

“Five?  That seems a little high.”

“My point exactly.”

“Wait, you’re not counting the time at the ceremonial dinner are you?”

“Yes.”

“That wasn’t my fault, how the hell was I supposed to know there was shellfish in the rice?”

“Daniel, even if it wasn’t for your brush with anaphylactic shock you were still a danger to yourself and others the entire mission and I fully stand by what I said.”  

Daniel narrowed his eyes and took a breath to argue further when Sam suddenly appeared at the door.  Unlike Daniel she knocked at the open door before entering.  

“Hey, guys, what’s going on?”

“Nothing.”  Jack answered.  “Daniel was just leaving.”

“This isn’t the end of this.”  Daniel huffed.  

Jack rolled his eyes and pushed the report off his desk.  Sam watched in concern as Daniel left in an obvious fury.  She turned to Jack with an expectant look on her face.  Realizing that he wasn’t going to get any paper work done today he looked up at her.

“What was that all about?”  Sam asked.  

“Daniel read my last report, he’s not happy about it.”

“What did you say?”

“‘Dr. Daniel Jackson, WARNING: lacks situational awareness.’.”
:giggle: Just a one shot to go along with a Navy phrase I learned recently. I so want a shirt that says 'Lacks situational awareness'.
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:iconkeilum:
Keilum Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014
Oh he does!
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:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2014
It's so true
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:iconmissyme48:
missyme48 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2010
lol
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:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2010
heehee
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:iconmissyme48:
missyme48 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2010
yeah
Reply
:iconradiantsilverfire:
radiantsilverfire Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2010
epic lolz!
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2010
heehee
Reply
:iconsvenniemannie:
svenniemannie Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
"Lacks Situational Awareness" :D Makes me think of (I think it was) George Carlin, who once said something along the lines of "I'm not lost, I'm locationally challenged!"
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009
:giggle:
Reply
:iconmacgyver-sg1:
macgyver-sg1 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
O...M...G.:lmao: That was HILARIOUS!!!! That just what I needed to read after 12 hours in the car! Great job, as always! :giggle:
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009
Squeeee!!!
Reply
:iconmacgyver-sg1:
macgyver-sg1 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
;p
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:iconluthlaya:
Luthlaya Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:rofl: That is SO Daniel... and probably me sometimes too... oh dear..
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:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2009
:giggle:
Reply
:iconluthlaya:
Luthlaya Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey! That's no funny!!... Oh, wait... it is! Damn!
Reply
:icongalifreysparrow:
galifreysparrow Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Hehehe...highly amusing, for sure :D
I'd buy a T-shirt that said that.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2009
:giggle:
Reply
:iconofficiallyabi:
OfficiallyAbi Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
After the break-in ... yup. Definitely need a tee with that on it.

So, of course, I think I'll make one! :D
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Oh yeah! You sooooo win that shirt! :giggle:
Reply
:iconofficiallyabi:
OfficiallyAbi Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
:rofl:
Reply
:iconaemi:
Aemi Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
aaaahhhh thats so true! he never realized the world around him and cant seem to keep his hands to himself.
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:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
he's trouble no matter where he goes!
Reply
:iconeset:
Eset Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Stargate fic = GOOD
New One Shot = GOOD
Lack Of Endidng To Other Fic = KILLING ME!!!!! Please :D You know me...

oh and if you find a T saying that let me know. I think my sister really needs one lol
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Arrrrggghhhh...yes, I do need to finish that fic...I'm so stuck on how to end it...
Reply
:iconeset:
Eset Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2009
I know but I thought I would just let you know IM DIEING HERE LOL I cant blame you though it been ages since I have written anything let alone anything worth posting. Good luck with it though I hope your muse comes back to you :hug:
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:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2009
I sooooo do not know how to end that bloody story!
Reply
:iconeset:
Eset Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2009
I'll think on it and give you some ideas if you would like :D
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:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009
yesh!
Reply
:iconeset:
Eset Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2009
KK will do! :D
Reply
:iconkirdiegurdycustard:
Kirdiegurdycustard Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
HaHa So very true
:giggle:
Awesome!
They should print it on his uniform too ^-^
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
or tattoo it across his forehead
Reply
:iconkirdiegurdycustard:
Kirdiegurdycustard Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2009
That would probably be more clearer :giggle:
Reply
:icondreams-of-skies:
Dreams-of-Skies Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Oh dear lords...now I want a tee! :rofl:

So darned true!
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Heehee
Reply
:iconapophis906:
Apophis906 Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
LOL. So freaking true.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Oh yeah
Reply
:iconapophis906:
Apophis906 Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
lol
Reply
:iconponkes:
ponkes Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
ROFLMAO! That was awesome, totally made my day!
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
sweet
Reply
:iconleonawindrider:
LeonaWindrider Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Dude. Print it on a coffee cup.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
Yes!
Reply
:iconhonor-to-serve:
honor-to-serve Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
ROFLOL! So do I!!! :rofl: That's awesome!
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2009
heehee
Reply
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July 30, 2009
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