Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconphoenix-cry: More from Phoenix-Cry


Featured in Collections




Details

Submitted on
January 31, 2010
File Size
3.5 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
568 (1 today)
Favourites
9 (who?)
Comments
57
×
Avatar


Spoiler Alert (sort of)

Okay...so...Avatar.  The basic plot is that there is this planet where...wait...hold on...I know a better way to do this:

The Plot of Avatar

Technology = Bad.
Nature = Good.
Military = Bad.
Science = Good?
Money = Bad.

Now that we've got that out of the way I'm going to get right to my biggest gripe about this film.  And that would be 'unobtanium'.  Read it out loud, go ahead.  "Unobtanium."

Are you fucking kidding me?  

Not only is it painfully lame, it's not even ORIGINAL!  Please see the movie  The Core, and novel Ringworld.  What will make any scientist out there cringe is that in the real world 'unobtanium' is a substance used in Thought Experiments, it has whatever properties you want it to have to make your thought experiment work and to test the basic principles of how the Universe works.  Trust me the movie Avatar is in no way a 'thought experiment'... in fact in the movie Avatar unobtanium has NO PURPOSE and NO PROPERTIES.  


Na'vi people: "Why do you want the unobtainum?"

Redneck Military General: "Because it's yours and we're America (I assume, they use US military jargon and have American accents, and speak English) goddamn it and we WANT it, and we have BIG ASS GUNS, so we are going to TAKE it!"

Na'vi people: "But what does it do?"

Money Grubbing Cooperate pencil neck (also white): "It's expensive."

Na'vi people: "But what does it do?"

Science types (mostly white, one hispanic...maybe, perhaps just tan): "It's shiny and it floats."

Na'vi people: "But what does it DO?"

James Cameron: "None of your goddamn business!"

Audience: "Is he talking to us?"

Shit on a shingle people!  Avatar could have been ten thousand times better if the humans wanted the unobtanium for ANY REASON WHAT SO EVER.  Here's an idea, maybe we need the unobtanium to save our own race, maybe it is the death of one tree against the death of 8 billion people.  But no, we seem to only want this lame ass piece of metal because we as humans are money grubbing blood thirsty psychopaths and apparently there are only like five humans on all of Pandora that even think twice about the military's motives to destory a whole race (remember military= Bad), and half of them die anyway.  

Special effects were amazing.  But for a Three Dimensional movie it was amazingly Two Dimensional in plot for no reason.  The bad guys were brute force money driven idiots and the good guys were nature loving activists at one with everything.  For a movie so packed with color I was a vastly disappointed with how black and white it was.  

For those of you who don't want to got to a theater to see Avatar you can make it home!

Avatar Recipe

1 part Dances With Wolves
3 parts Fern Gully
1 cup Starship Troopers
Dash of Lion King
Two drops of Disney's Tarzan
Twist of 'The Dragons of Pern' (can be substituted with Eragon)
Mix in three gallons of Earth Marine Life
Six of those big bipedal machine guns from the last Matrix that the humans controled
The planet Jupiter with the 'blue hue' turned all the way up.
Add in one pack of glow sticks
Blend on high until syrupy, place into oven until half baked.
Enjoy with cheese!
:puke:
Add a Comment:
 
:icontohokari-steel:
Tohokari-Steel Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2012
Unobtanium...the MAD spoof of Avatar had a more believable name:

(Scientist: This is Stupidnameium.)
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2012
Yes, that works just perfectly!
Reply
:iconmaysecret:
maysecret Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2011
He spent too much time on Special effects.. and none on story. It ruined what could have been an amazing movie
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2011
It's so true!
Reply
:iconcommandereve:
CommanderEVE Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2010  Student General Artist
Nicely said. I mean to put things in a nutshell. Avatar sucks. :D
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2010
pretty much. :giggle:
Reply
:iconcommandereve:
CommanderEVE Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2010  Student General Artist
Nice! 8)
Reply
:iconnuke-vizard:
nuke-vizard Featured By Owner May 9, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So are you saying the history of mankind is dull and original? Because the story of Avatar happened in real life on numerous occasions. The Spanish killing Incas for gold. Americans killing native tribes for land. The British Empire exploiting natives all over the world in the colonial days. Not to mention stuff like off-shore drilling (look how well that ended up), mining and deforestation.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner May 9, 2010
I'm saying that if they want us to care about a story as hackneyed and over done as Avatar they need to at the very *least* tell us *why* the humans want this ridiculous unobtanium.
Reply
:iconnuke-vizard:
nuke-vizard Featured By Owner May 9, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's really about the last thing I cared about in the movie. I just assumed it's a fuel.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner May 9, 2010
What I'm saying is that with a single sentance they could have made the movie a thousand times more engaging and they could have moved away from the sheer black and white of Tecnology Bad/Nature Good. If the fate of our own race hinged on the destruction of another it would give the 'bad guys' far more depth than just mindless barbaric greed. The story was flat and unoriginal and does not deserve the "Changing the face of movies" title that it got when there are movies out there that strive for a more than just dazzling effects.
Reply
:icontriadus:
Triadus Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Finally, someone who shares my opinion of this craptacular movie! You, sir, are my hero!
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010
I was moments away from having a seziure during that film. My fear is that it will be the new 'gold standard'...movies will suck from this day forth. Sigh.
Reply
:icontriadus:
Triadus Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, it definitely will. Now, nothing will be good enough unless it's like Avatar. This is the problem I have with video games and TV today, two of the things I used to love most.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2010
:puke:
Reply
:iconmykardia:
mykardia Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I'd have to disagree with you a bit. I LOVED the movie. I agree, the plot took a bit from a huge mixture of movies, but the thing was the movie wasn't about the plot. It was about the the world of pandora.

And i think there were some very good themes in the film, such as saving the enviorment and respecting nature. I found it's criticisms of western cultures to be accurate actually. Have you ever heard the song "Send the Marines" by Tom Lehrer?

I think it's good that someone is willing to criticize our culture instead of always romantazising us and showing how great we are.

And the special effects were great! Also I think the "unombtanium" thing was supposed to be a joke =P anyways...just my two sense. Personally, I loved the fact that for once we (humans, particularly white humans) were the invaders instead of the ones being *invaded*.

You know he was basing the entire movie on the story of the indians? Basically showing what we white people did to the natives of America, except he changed the ending. Instead of the white people prevailing, he made the indians win.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010
Sorry, didn't mean to lash out...I just get more and more pissy the more I realize that after making a bajillon dollars that this might actually win best film and then all hope for thoughtful writing will be DEAD.

PS- Is good ole' JC gonna give a cent to the Indians and/or towards saving the Earth?
Reply
:iconmykardia:
mykardia Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
true, true. I hope a differnt movie gets best film, one with a real script and screen play.

And you are write, JC probably won't use the money to help the enviorment.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
Go Hurt Locker
Reply
:iconmykardia:
mykardia Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
???
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
movie up for best picture
Reply
:iconmykardia:
mykardia Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
got it.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010
"You know he was basing the entire movie on the story of the indians?"

Gee? Really? Cause I never noticed that it was near word for word Pocohantas.


I'm not saying there aren't 'good themes', I just felt insulted that they felt they needed to beat me about the head and neck with them cause they felt I wouldn't understand the point if they hide the subtly in a more complicated shade of gray plot.
Reply
:iconmykardia:
mykardia Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Haha...lol very true XD

the movie is definetly not subtle! then again...these days a lot of people just don't get deep or subtle films. I mean, NEW MOON was a box office hit forever...and gosh.......
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2010
You must watch this 'New Moon in One Minute' [link]
Reply
:iconmykardia:
mykardia Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
hilarious! =D
Reply
:icongalifreysparrow:
galifreysparrow Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010
I must say i did enjoy avatar. I totally agree with all the points you made, i guess i was just drawn in by the special effects, and i liked Sam Worthington and the rest of the main characters, i thought that they played their characters with conviction, despite the script (oh and i found 'the colonel' hilariously stereotypical)

But yeah, it's a certain shame that the plot was so ridiculously lifted and weak. I mean it wouldn't have taken too much effort from that point to create some moral dilemmas, or some new insights! I actually thought they would bring in that the humans needed 'unobtanium' for earth to survive at one point when they hinted at it, but they never did!

I like your recipy though, spot on :D
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
:hug:
Reply
:iconseamonkey-sama:
Seamonkey-Sama Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Ferngully! 8D

I didn't really want to see avatar...but i saw it and it was good i guess.

I liked sherlock holmes better.. yaaay~:heart:
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
I want to sherlock..
Reply
:iconseamonkey-sama:
Seamonkey-Sama Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
it was really good! it got a bunch of mixed reviews, mostly because people were all like "it's not supposed to be an action movie, blah bla bla :shakefist:" but i'm reading the book and it is actually like that.
Reply
:iconspecialagentartemis:
SpecialAgentArtemis Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010
I really rather liked it. It was fun.

And the effects were amazing.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010
The effects were amazing the rest of it was shit.
Reply
:iconbeginningslow:
beginningslow Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010
:iconclapplz: WELL SAID
I didn't like Avatar, either... No character depth, a watery plot at best... Plus the whole mindrape thing going on between Jake Sully and Neytiri in front of Grandmother Willow...
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
Hehee.
Reply
:iconpurpleprison:
PurplePrison Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
And a dash of Pocahontas too!
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
Oh yes!
Reply
:iconyamihoole:
yamihoole Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well thanks for letting me in on it! ;) I've been sitting here wondering for the past 2 1/2 what all the fuss is about. And based on what I've heard, I'm STILL wondering. What are people getting out of this movie that I dont? Sure its pretty, but, so what?
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
It is very pretty, but other than that very dull
Reply
:iconyamihoole:
yamihoole Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*months. 2 1/2 months =P
Reply
:iconmykardia:
mykardia Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
yamihoole, i'd go see it if i were you. Even if the plot is rather lacking. The world that Cameron created is wonderful and entrancing. It'e enjoyable...and actually does have some very powerful themes, like saving the planet and respecting nature. Go see it and decide for yourself =)
Reply
:iconyamihoole:
yamihoole Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well I'll think about it. I'm sure it'll be around for a little while longer
Reply
:iconmykardia:
mykardia Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
okay =)
Reply
:iconkayuishida:
KayuIshida Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010  Hobbyist Artist
Yea, the effects were astounding. I also really liked the biology of Pandora, which to me was interesting.

Besides the effects and the setting, nothing appealed to me. It's one thing to recycle a plot, but when nothing special is going on to make a story stand apart from others of its kind... well, it fails. The characters were so two-dimensional and lackluster, I found it hard to like anyone. I think the only character I enjoyed was Grace, but of course the one character I like gets killed...

So yea, visually Avatar was great, but as far as everything else goes Avatar is average at the most.
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
Very pretty...but other than that dull as paste
Reply
:iconkayuishida:
KayuIshida Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010  Hobbyist Artist
Agreed.
Reply
:icongothiccheshire:
GothicCheshire Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010
AMEN LADY, AMEN! I found that to be a major throw off due to the script. I didn't quite like being expected to go: 'ooooh, pretty colors' and ignore the plot due to the graphics. It was totally not worth that half a billion dollars they spent on it. *siiiigh, Whatever though. Nice review!

Insanity Signing OFF!!!
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010
It's just the fact that they didn't even *try* with their plot that upset me. I wasn't expecting Shakespear, but I was hoping for better than that.

:hug:
Reply
:icongothiccheshire:
GothicCheshire Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010
Mmm, the try would have been good.
*Snort, I'm sorry, I just imagined one of those weird aliens holding a skull and going, "To be or not to be!" and so on and so forth. Mental images=hilarity...

Insanity Signing OFF!!!
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2010
hehe
Reply
Add a Comment: