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January 31, 2010
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Spoiler Alert (sort of)

Okay...so...Avatar.  The basic plot is that there is this planet where...wait...hold on...I know a better way to do this:

The Plot of Avatar

Technology = Bad.
Nature = Good.
Military = Bad.
Science = Good?
Money = Bad.

Now that we've got that out of the way I'm going to get right to my biggest gripe about this film.  And that would be 'unobtanium'.  Read it out loud, go ahead.  "Unobtanium."

Are you fucking kidding me?  

Not only is it painfully lame, it's not even ORIGINAL!  Please see the movie  The Core, and novel Ringworld.  What will make any scientist out there cringe is that in the real world 'unobtanium' is a substance used in Thought Experiments, it has whatever properties you want it to have to make your thought experiment work and to test the basic principles of how the Universe works.  Trust me the movie Avatar is in no way a 'thought experiment'... in fact in the movie Avatar unobtanium has NO PURPOSE and NO PROPERTIES.  


Na'vi people: "Why do you want the unobtainum?"

Redneck Military General: "Because it's yours and we're America (I assume, they use US military jargon and have American accents, and speak English) goddamn it and we WANT it, and we have BIG ASS GUNS, so we are going to TAKE it!"

Na'vi people: "But what does it do?"

Money Grubbing Cooperate pencil neck (also white): "It's expensive."

Na'vi people: "But what does it do?"

Science types (mostly white, one hispanic...maybe, perhaps just tan): "It's shiny and it floats."

Na'vi people: "But what does it DO?"

James Cameron: "None of your goddamn business!"

Audience: "Is he talking to us?"

Shit on a shingle people!  Avatar could have been ten thousand times better if the humans wanted the unobtanium for ANY REASON WHAT SO EVER.  Here's an idea, maybe we need the unobtanium to save our own race, maybe it is the death of one tree against the death of 8 billion people.  But no, we seem to only want this lame ass piece of metal because we as humans are money grubbing blood thirsty psychopaths and apparently there are only like five humans on all of Pandora that even think twice about the military's motives to destory a whole race (remember military= Bad), and half of them die anyway.  

Special effects were amazing.  But for a Three Dimensional movie it was amazingly Two Dimensional in plot for no reason.  The bad guys were brute force money driven idiots and the good guys were nature loving activists at one with everything.  For a movie so packed with color I was a vastly disappointed with how black and white it was.  

For those of you who don't want to got to a theater to see Avatar you can make it home!

Avatar Recipe

1 part Dances With Wolves
3 parts Fern Gully
1 cup Starship Troopers
Dash of Lion King
Two drops of Disney's Tarzan
Twist of 'The Dragons of Pern' (can be substituted with Eragon)
Mix in three gallons of Earth Marine Life
Six of those big bipedal machine guns from the last Matrix that the humans controled
The planet Jupiter with the 'blue hue' turned all the way up.
Add in one pack of glow sticks
Blend on high until syrupy, place into oven until half baked.
Enjoy with cheese!
:puke:
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:icontohokari-steel:
Tohokari-Steel Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2012
Unobtanium...the MAD spoof of Avatar had a more believable name:

(Scientist: This is Stupidnameium.)
Reply
:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2012
Yes, that works just perfectly!
Reply
:iconmaysecret:
maysecret Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2011
He spent too much time on Special effects.. and none on story. It ruined what could have been an amazing movie
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:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2011
It's so true!
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:iconcommandereve:
CommanderEVE Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2010  Student General Artist
Nicely said. I mean to put things in a nutshell. Avatar sucks. :D
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:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2010
pretty much. :giggle:
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:iconcommandereve:
CommanderEVE Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2010  Student General Artist
Nice! 8)
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:iconnuke-vizard:
nuke-vizard Featured By Owner May 9, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So are you saying the history of mankind is dull and original? Because the story of Avatar happened in real life on numerous occasions. The Spanish killing Incas for gold. Americans killing native tribes for land. The British Empire exploiting natives all over the world in the colonial days. Not to mention stuff like off-shore drilling (look how well that ended up), mining and deforestation.
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:iconphoenix-cry:
Phoenix-Cry Featured By Owner May 9, 2010
I'm saying that if they want us to care about a story as hackneyed and over done as Avatar they need to at the very *least* tell us *why* the humans want this ridiculous unobtanium.
Reply
:iconnuke-vizard:
nuke-vizard Featured By Owner May 9, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's really about the last thing I cared about in the movie. I just assumed it's a fuel.
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